family systems and marriage

the picture is a genogram.  it shows the relationships and histories of a family.

i’m reading this book for one of my classes that explains a little about my siblings theory.  it’s pretty interesting.  but the book also talks about the parents.  it said that if the father was a younger sibling he usually identifies and sides with the younger son or daughter and the same with older siblings and moms.  and if both parents were younger then the older child gets left out a lot.  it also said that people do well in marriages when they marry someone of their sibling’s relation.  meaning: if someone is a younger brother (such as i), that person would do well to marry someone who is an older sister (i’m assuming it’d be better if they had a younger brother).  pretty interesting eh?  i could see how that could be true.

so what does this say about relationships?  i think familiarity is a factor.  you’re used to having a younger or older sibling, or 3 older siblings or whatever the mix is and so for your mate, you’d pair well with someone who has an opposite role in their similar family system.  both of you are used to having that kind of sibling relationship and so you’re pretty familiar and comfortable with each other.  i think it also says that understanding is a huge factor (duh).  yeah, i didn’t have to read the book to get this one, but i think it’s safe to say that an older sister somewhat understands the role of the younger brother and so if she dated someone who is a younger brother, there’s an pre-existing understanding of what roles they play in the relationship.

so when i first read this, i was kinda grossed out.  i was thinking, so that means, i should marry someone older?  like my sister’s age?!?!  but no, that’s not what they’re saying.  they’re saying that i could find someone younger than me, but they still have a younger brother.

pretty interesting eh?  any older sisters out there?