chang|e one's mind

i wrote a song… in my mind

family systems and marriage

with 9 comments

the picture is a genogram.  it shows the relationships and histories of a family.

i’m reading this book for one of my classes that explains a little about my siblings theory.  it’s pretty interesting.  but the book also talks about the parents.  it said that if the father was a younger sibling he usually identifies and sides with the younger son or daughter and the same with older siblings and moms.  and if both parents were younger then the older child gets left out a lot.  it also said that people do well in marriages when they marry someone of their sibling’s relation.  meaning: if someone is a younger brother (such as i), that person would do well to marry someone who is an older sister (i’m assuming it’d be better if they had a younger brother).  pretty interesting eh?  i could see how that could be true.

so what does this say about relationships?  i think familiarity is a factor.  you’re used to having a younger or older sibling, or 3 older siblings or whatever the mix is and so for your mate, you’d pair well with someone who has an opposite role in their similar family system.  both of you are used to having that kind of sibling relationship and so you’re pretty familiar and comfortable with each other.  i think it also says that understanding is a huge factor (duh).  yeah, i didn’t have to read the book to get this one, but i think it’s safe to say that an older sister somewhat understands the role of the younger brother and so if she dated someone who is a younger brother, there’s an pre-existing understanding of what roles they play in the relationship.

so when i first read this, i was kinda grossed out.  i was thinking, so that means, i should marry someone older?  like my sister’s age?!?!  but no, that’s not what they’re saying.  they’re saying that i could find someone younger than me, but they still have a younger brother.

pretty interesting eh?  any older sisters out there?


Written by enoch

September 16, 2008 at 7:39 pm

Posted in social observation

9 Responses

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  1. hmm makes sense. i find myself being attracted to girls who are older siblings, since i have an older brother. but i still would like the girl to be younger than me. if worst comes to worst, i suppose i could try the noonas. age ain’t nuthin’ but a numba.

    i hear there are a lot more single women in the east than in the west. get yo move on boiii!


    September 16, 2008 at 7:52 pm

  2. what’s wrong with dating someone older? 🙂
    so… if i come from a family of 2 girls, and i’m the younger one, i should find another person from a family of 2 girls, preferably the older sister.

    i see.



    September 16, 2008 at 9:06 pm

  3. makes sense… im sort of in a similar situation right now… im younger sister and im with an oldest brother and we both grew up kinda similar… both took care of parents more and still do which resulted in both of us having similar mindset of family


    September 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm

  4. deducing from this theory, practitioners of incest would make the most compatible couples… ew…


    September 17, 2008 at 7:42 am

  5. insightful, i don’t think that will play a factor to me…..i want to love all my kids equally. i want to be the understanding parent.


    September 17, 2008 at 9:20 am

  6. my parents did baby my little sister when it came down to washing the dishes. their famous quote in this dish industry was… “she’ll do ’em almost everyday when she grows up since she won’t have any younger sibling to pass it on to”
    rrRRrrright. i think she MIGHT have washed 25% of the amount i washed in my life AND got away with a lotta stuff in HS (for being the youngest) when i was raised under strict rules in my HS years..

    however, i can’t claim myself in one specific category. i feel like i’m a good mixture of two or so.


    September 17, 2008 at 9:45 am

  7. im youngest of 3 and people i liked were the youngest of their siblings too.but i can go either way.


    September 17, 2008 at 10:26 am

  8. doesn’t this also have to do with the whole birth order theory in psychology?
    interesting stuff. i’ll have to say i prefer guys who have sisters cuz they’re not as clueless. haha.


    September 18, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  9. huh interesting…

    being the oldest of three… i guess i should date the youngest of three? and i’m dating someone not older than me… what does that mean?


    September 25, 2008 at 9:51 pm

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