chang|e one's mind

i wrote a song… in my mind

worst patient ever

with 6 comments

hello all,

i’ve safely made it back from cleveland, ga.  the conference was hecka awesome (does anyone still say that anymore?).  it was such a blessing to be able to lead worship for it.  i was so encouraged and God has definitely shown me a lot of HImself during this past weekend.  the bad news is: i’m way behind on schoolwork now, but it was all definitely worth it. i have so much more to share on this past weekend.  what stinks is that i can’t upload videos to wordpress directly, i have to upload it to youtube.  so not only did i have to wait forever to upload my videos to facebook (which are up and viewable if you friended me), but i also had to wait forever to upload my videos to youtube.  how ridiculous is that?  very, if you ask me.

so if you don’t get to view the 4 photos and 3 videos i took while at emerge, don’t worry, i’ll post them on chang|e one’s mind once i get them uploaded to youtube.  i hope you’ll find them very entertaining.

so i thought i’d talk about what a horrible patient i am.  i am the kind of patient the doctor hates to talk to.  why is that?  well, for some reason, i think i know more than the doctor.  if they say to take medication once a day for 2 weeks and i’m feeling better after the first week.  guess who’s not going to take any more medicine?  same thing with colds, headaches, whatever.  i just feel like once i feel better, my body will just take care of the rest.  i am, of course, so wrong.  a couple days later after i’m “feeling better”, i go into remission and i’m even more messed up than i was before i started taking meds.

i think it’s a mixture of laziness and pride, which is a dangerous mix if you ask me.  i don’t want to keep doing something that i don’t want to do and i’m prideful that my body is perfectly capable of fighting whatever disease or illness i have.

why can’t i just learn my lesson?  have i even learned my lesson?  apparently not because i still make the same mistake over and over again even now.  what the freak is wrong with me?  aren’t we all kind of like this to some degree?  we think we’re fine only to find out later we’re much worse off than we started off.  why can’t we continue to work through things until we are certain that they are no longer issues?  i think maybe the problem is: we don’t know.  we don’t know if we’ve gotten a firm grasp on our problems and once the first signs of relief come, we let go because we think we can handle it.  or maybe it’s just that we think we can handle it alone when help is definitely needed.  it’s not about dependence, it’s about admittance.  we need help.  don’t be too prideful to ask for it.  and i’m mostly speaking to myself because i HATE asking for help.  i’d rather spend an hour at target looking for the right garden hose for me than take 5 minutes to ask a worker which one works better.  people, let’s think.  how much better off would we be if we just admitted our need for help and not let things go because we think we “got this”?


Written by enoch

September 22, 2008 at 12:17 am

Posted in from my mind

6 Responses

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  1. my doctor raped me. he sedated/drugged/”slipped me a roofie” then stuck a 4 foot long tube with a camera on the end up my wooha and called it a “colonoscopy.” down with doctors, i say.


    September 22, 2008 at 6:51 am

  2. crap, how do you delete posts..


    September 22, 2008 at 6:51 am

  3. imma disturbed by that comment above.. oy.. rough~


    September 22, 2008 at 8:51 am

  4. hmmmm


    September 22, 2008 at 3:17 pm

  5. no it wasn’t ur blog….i’ll tell you later.


    September 22, 2008 at 5:29 pm

  6. this entry reminds me alot of what i do with God…

    i seek, i ask..i do whatever it takes… when the first signs of relief come i drop the ball and essentially say God i can take it from here….

    and of course very much like your outcome… i end up worse off than before…


    September 25, 2008 at 9:38 pm

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