Archive for October 2009
this is kind of a revisit of a past post: don’t be modest.
i still have a hard time accepting compliments. this past month i’ve had a birthday, pastor appreciation month, and my mid-course assessment at school. this month has just been packed full of “enoch time”. and it feels really weird to be the center of attention and have groups of people talk about you to your face.
i don’t really know how to take it when people talk about who i am to them or what i mean to other people. it’s weird right? but i feel like in a perfect world, there’d be a lot more of that. so why can’t i take it?
i remember when i was younger in youth group, we had a time at a retreat where we washed each others’ feet. i refused to let anyone wash my feet (much like peter in the Bible) because i didn’t want anyone to serve me. it was then that i learned about pride. pride wasn’t just thinking you were the best, but it was also thinking that you were the worst. pride is thinking you’re the best at being the servant and therefore no one can serve you. and to be honest, i still have a problem with this.
so this past month, i’ve had to get used to people doing things for me or saying things about me to my face or just being the topic of discussion for an extended period of time. it’s really hard. i’d assume that it’d be hard for a lot of people to just sit there while people say things about you. in asian culture, you NEVER accept a compliment without humbling yourself first. darn you asian shame-based culture!!
so as this month ends, i’ll be kind of glad the focus isn’t on me anymore, but also taking with me the lesson that it’s ok if the world revolves around you some of the time.
hahaha!! i saw this pic and it made me laugh.
so me and the girlfriend “argue” about this every once in a while. here’s the scenario:
we step out of my car and i’ll leave my ipod plugged into my car in plain view on my dock and she says to me,
“are you just going to leave it out like that?”
and i’m like, “yeah, we’re going out again in a little while.”
“you should hide it or take it out.”
“i dunno, someone might steal it.”
i’m sure a lot of people can relate to my girlfriend’s side of the scenario. i do too. but, i realized what it is that makes me seem “careless” or “trusting” with my stuff. for me, an ipod is a music player. it functions as something that plays music. i don’t understand why people would steal something that just plays music when there are plenty of those everywhere. what i don’t take into account is the value of the music player. to me it’s just a music player, i don’t see it as an expensive music player.
maybe i’m just a little naive. sometimes i just “forget” to lock my car door or don’t lock the door when i step out of the apartment for a little while. some people would think this is crazy, but for me, i just don’t see why people would want my stuff. i mean, it’s personal. it’s used. it’s customized to my personality. why would anyone want it? and yet, the reality is that people do steal your stuff. i suppose i’m just a little too trusting in humanity.
i guess being in seminary kind of spoils me. no one steals anything here. you can leave your stuff in your classroom overnight and expect it to be there the next morning. in fact, i’m sure you’ll get like 50 emails saying, “hey, i saw your stuff in the classroom last night and so i stood watch over it to make sure no one stole it.” however, the sad this is, at church, if you leave your stuff overnight or forget something one day, it’s as good as gone. how sad is that? i thought i lost my ipod the other day at church and so i went to the lost and found. they asked me what i lost and i said an ipod. they said, “oh, those never turn up. we’ll let you know if we find anything, but no one ever turns those in.” i was like, wow, that sucks. at church? for real? no one would turn that in? so sad.
so the moral is: i guess i should be a little more careful with my stuff.
when i was younger, i would save up money in order to buy cd’s. i would forego going out with friends or buying new clothes (that i really needed) in order to buy new music. for me, clothes fade and get holes in them and food lasts for a meal, but a good song will last you the rest of your life. some friends and i were talking about our first cd or tape purchase. i still remember mine. my first tape purchase was the spin doctors and my first cd purchases were boyz II men and the dave matthews band under the table and dreaming. i remember my mom getting annoyed with me whenever i wanted to buy a new cd. “don’t you already have one?” she’d say. she just didn’t understand. how was i supposed to survive on one disc?!?!?
for the most part, this is still true. i still value new music very much. i get this itch when i’ve been listening to the same music for a week or two, like i need a fix of new music. i’m like some kind of music monster with an insatiable appetite that can never be satisfied. maybe this is how some women feel with shoes or chocolate. or how some guys feel about video games or sports. for me, it’s music. i gotta have it.
what’s your itch?
so, i must admit. i have a thing against birthdays. i wrote this in 2006: what it is. wow, so long ago. for the most part, i feel the same as i did back then. birthdays = not so special.
i think i’ve given up on hoping that my birthday will be any different from the other 364 days of the year (365 in a leap year). i’ve grown accustomed to not expecting much – no special treatment, no break, nothing extraordinary. and maybe that’s my fault for expecting these. and no, i’m not saying this so that i will receive any of these things in the future. my point is: birthdays are just another day. what difference is it that you happened to be born on a specific day?
a lot of people asked me how my birthday was. was it filled with anything special or did i do anything for my birthday? i couldn’t really help but laugh to myself as i thought: why would there be anything special going on? isn’t today the same for you as it is for me? it’s just another day. the world continues to spin, my responsibilities don’t change just because the calendar says october 9th. why would it be any different from october 8th or 10th? and as i think of these questions, i manage a meek smile and say, “it’s ok. now, i have to help lead a retreat and i have to get going. i’ll talk to you later.”
i blame shows like “my super sweet sixteen” where girls have the day of their dreams. are the rest of us supposed to now think that we can have a day to ourselves like these spoiled girls? no. the rest of us go on with our normal days with the usual flood of facebook notifications.
my question to all of you is: are birthdays special? if so, how? cause i just haven’t been seeing it. to me, birthdays are just another day. i’ve done more work on my birthday this year than most days in my life. i’ve been more stressed on my birthday than most days in my life. does it really matter that it was my birthday? or is the american idea of a birthday something that people made up, like valentine’s day? and i know that it sounds like i’m complaining, but i’m really not. i really could care less if i made a big deal about my birthday or if other people did. i honestly don’t care. to me, it’s just another day. the day that follows october 8th and the one that precedes october 10th.
wow, what a sad entry huh? but it’s really not. it’s actually just a realization i’ve had. so here’s to another october 9th come and gone.
a new blog entry. i’ve been pretty busy as of late and haven’t had a chance to exhale it seems. but i haven’t forgotten about my blog and i’ve been gathering bunches of blog topics to write about and am just waiting for the chance to unleash them all on you guys. stay tuned!