Archive for February 2010
for as long as i can remember, i’ve never been able to sleep in. my mom recently told me that when i was a kid, i would constantly wake up during the middle of the night. to an extent, it’s still like that although it has gotten a little better after i had some surgery done to open up my nasal passage so i can breathe when i sleep. that’s not good, right?
for those that know that i take naps, i do it because i have to. sleep at night is not sufficient for me. i have to resort to sleeping during the day cause i’m just so tired of not getting enough sleep at night.
is it even possible to suck at sleeping? it should be natural, no?
i recently read the facebook status of one of my friends that read:
I went to sleep with my t-shirt on. I woke up with only my right arm in the sleeve.
that’s kind of what i’m like when i sleep. i wake up and i can’t find my sheets, my pillow is God-knows-where, and i realize that i’m now lying horizontally on my bed when i fell asleep vertically. and that’s not all, when i go to take a shower, i find that the water stings me sometimes. i look and i finally see the cause of my suffering, random cuts on my arms and body. yeah, that’s right, i cut myself in my sleep. the weirdest one yet was this 6-7 inch scrape across my right arm from my bicep to the middle of my forearm.
what the frick?
i hate sleeping… it hurts me.
so one of my favorite stores to shop at when i move to a new place is bed, bath, and beyond. i dunno why. i always feel weird when i step in there. almost as awkward as i feel when i shop at michael’s or jo ann’s. like i don’t belong there and all the old ladies or mothers of 3 with their kids are wondering why i’m on their turf.
so when i move into a new place, i’m convinced that one of the first things one needs to buy (after toilet paper and garbage bags) is a shower curtain. i mean, after you move in you’re all sweaty and you just want to get clean but whoa, wait, you can’t take a shower because you don’t have a shower curtain.
so as i roam the aisles of bed, bath, and beyond, the aisle i MUST go to is the shower curtain aisle. and indecisive me spends at LEAST 20 minutes deciding what kind of shower curtain i want and what style of shower rings i want to have for my shower. i have narrowed it down to getting a shower curtain with the metal reinforcements for the rings cause i’ve been through many tears from ones without the reinforcements, one with the anti-mildew/soap scum coating cause it’s just gross without it, and i want to get the shower rings that will fit easily around the shower bar and ones that you can easily take off the shower curtain.
and in all this, i realize that i’m actually excited to purchase these things. i mean, c’mon. excited? who gets excited from purchasing shower rings? who am i? gah!!
i’m one comment (wordpress comment) away from 1,000! i would totally be over 1,000 if i counted facebook comments off of my notes which are linked to this page, but to make it legit, i need one more comment here to hit the 1,000 mark.
i just want to say thanks for you all who read these blogs of my self-involved life. seriously, who wants to read about stupid stuff going on in my life? i know when i started, i thought it’d be cool to see how far my blogs reached outside of my circle of friends. i wonder if people read this regularly who i don’t really know. if so, thanks! i really appreciate the support!
so who will it be? let’s make it happen team.
lately (and by lately i mean the last couple years) i’ve been feeling like i’ve been living on other peoples’ time. as i look at my calendar i see events and days that people have created for me or evites that request for me to “save the date”. and as i feel more and more overwhelmed, i can’t help but wonder, “when is it that i get to do what I want to do?” will i always be on someone else’s time? do i constantly have to sacrifice my own free time, sleep time, and yes, even my study time in order to fit into other peoples’ schedules?
i wonder if other people have their own time, their own schedules in which they decided what they were going to do instead of other people dictating that for them. or am i the only one affected by this epidemic?
february has been a pretty busy month for me. weekends are packed with events on top of ministry responsibilities and meetings, weekdays are school, other meetings, work study, attending events other people have asked me to attend, and when i can get to it – study. it’s been difficult, to be honest. and i’m even taking one class less than i should be this semester in order to compensate for this packed schedule.
it’s not that i want to schedule something for me to do next wednesday or anything like that. i think it’s just that i prefer an open schedule and feel really suffocated when my calendar fills up with dates and events that people “suggest” or ask me to attend. plus, i’m forgetful anyways and have a tendency of double-booking dates because i just forget that i have a birthday dinner to attend that day or play guitar for something or other.
the issue is not what enoch wants to write into his schedule. in fact, that would overwhelm me even more. the issue is, can i leave some time for me to do whatever i want to do in that moment instead of me compromising that time because other people have a “free hour” to pencil me in?
i hate schedules.
travel back in time with me to 8th grade. i was in middle school taking art class. i had made this collage thing recreating the modernist marc chagall’s painting, “the birthday.” i didn’t think anything of it. i did it because it was an assignment. the teacher actually wanted me to add some paint to the “walls” of the painting using a sponge, which i totally disagreed with but did anyway because she said so.
toward the end of the semester, she informed me that the school was having an art auction for all the art students and that my marc chagall piece was to be featured and auctioned off. i was a little surprised cause i thought my other stuff was way better than this sponge-painted rip-off of a chagall masterpiece, but it’s not like i can tell her that her taste is whack. she was my art teacher, after all. so my parents and i attend the auction. it was probably the first, if not second school function they’ve actually attended with me. the bidding started and i marveled at other peoples’ works of art that seemed to overshadow mine.
my piece was up and my dad put in what i thought to be a sympathy bid for it to start the bidding off. i was surprised when another stranger also bid for it. back and forth it went between my dad and this mysterious stranger for about 2 bids each and the bidding paused with the other guy in possession of my piece. i thought, “sweet! go ahead, take it! i think it sucks.” the auctioneer then looked at my father and jokingly said, “it’s your turn.” my dad then put in the final bid at $55 i think and we took it home, much to my disappointment.
when we got home, my mother said, “we must frame this.” i disagreed, saying that it was just an assignment i had to do that ended up costing us $55. my mother, however, strongly urged we get it framed and put up in our house. we went to michael’s and she picked out a frame and about a week later, we picked it up and it went on top of our mantel in our living room, replacing a cross-stitched picture of some roses that had been there for the last couple of years or so, in plain view for all to see. i always wondered why she put it up there. it seemed so out of place and tacky and, i still believe, still just a sucky piece of art.
fast forward to two weeks ago. i find myself at jo ann’s fabric and craft store looking for a frame to put a picture i had bought from jamaica in. i had no choice but to get it custom framed as it was a work on canvas and you’re not supposed to put it in a glass frame. i got a quote, thinking that it would just be a couple bucks since they just had to put in on a stretch bar and was amazed at how expensive it was. and that was with a 50% off discount. as i paid and left the store, i had a flashback of going to michael’s with my mom and getting my artwork framed. i realized that my art must’ve costed so much more to frame than i paid and i wondered why my mom did it.
she did it cause she supported my gifts and talents. she did it because she loved me. and it just floored me. that’s why she put it on display in our living room for all to see. this piece of art that i thought was terrible that my mom treasured as if it were an original marc chagall painting that she purchased at a real art auction then meant a lot to me at that moment.
i have been framed by my mother and father. and i am so thankful.