chang|e one's mind

i wrote a song… in my mind

Archive for March 2010

i was thinking, overthinking

with 3 comments

ok, i am positive that this is a phenomenon that only occurs to me.  and if it applies to you, please let me know so i’ll feel a little better about my quirk.

has it ever happened that you’re having a conversation with some, a great conversation, and somewhere mid-conversation your brain automatically turns on and you start to think?  it is only then that your conversation head south in a hurry.  this happens to me ALL THE TIME.  i’m having a great conversation with someone and all of a sudden, i start thinking.  what do i think about?  well, i think about these things:

wow, this conversation is great, how can i keep it going?

how will i end this conversation?

should i ask a question here?

is the other person enjoying this conversation?

did i forget to do something today?

i wonder how i’m coming off?

how’s my body language?

eye contact?  too much, or not enough?


and it is usually around the thought of this question that i completely lose it.  i go blank or maybe the other person is just allowed to talk forever and i’m stuck.  my only hope is that Jesus will come back right that instant so that our conversation will end.

needless to say, this makes for many an awkward conversation.  if i could just not think, things would be great.  but for some reason, my brain thinks that it’s on the clock when i just need it to sleep in longer and it clocks in, ready to go to work.

anyone else have this problem?


Written by enoch

March 29, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Posted in from my mind

to be early is to be on time

with 4 comments

i’m never on time.  i’m either grotesquely early or uncomfortably late.  or if i am on time, it so happens that everyone else is sooooo late, that me being on time is actually freakishly early.

i used to be a part of an organization in high school called key club, and during the conferences that i attended they had this saying:

to be early is to be on time

to be on time is to be late

to be late is unacceptable

for some reason, it’s a priority for me to be early.  i get noticeably anxious when i’m supposed to be somewhere at a given time and i feel like i’m not going to make it.  it could be a dinner, a meeting, anything.  i just feel like i HAVE to be there on time and the world will end if i don’t.  the world’s existence depends on me being on time to a surprise birthday dinner.

on the flip side, i have ALOT of friends who make it a point to be late.  but not just late, ABSURDLY late.  and not just once, but EVERY TIME.  needless to say, this makes it very difficult for someone like me who tries to be on time all the time to get things done as scheduled.

when i’m late, i feel really bad.  what i have noticed is that a lot of my white friends tend to be a lot better with time management than my asian-american friends.  for some reason, “asian time” is acceptable.  i’m going to go out on a limb and say that the reason for this is because asian-americans are over achievers.  i know whenever i’m late, it’s usually because i THINK i can fit in another activity or errand before i have to be somewhere when i have gratuitously underestimated the amount of time it would take to complete said activity or errand.  and of course, this is just me.  from what i have observed, my friends who are constantly late just don’t have a concept of when they need to be somewhere and who it affects when they’re not there on time (sense some bitterness?).

are you on time?

Written by enoch

March 23, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Posted in from my mind

awkward stranger eye contact

with 3 comments

you know those times when you’re walking down the street or in a mall or in a restaurant and you’re looking around and you see someone else looking around and all of a sudden your eyes meet? what do you do after that? here are some of my options:

greeting: maybe this is the more southern habit.  greet them with a warm smile and even though you don’t know them, you say hello or hey or good morning like it’s been your routine everyday for the past 10 years.  i think this one is really hard to initiate unless you’re just this kind of person.  and by this kind of person i mostly mean older, pleasant, southern women.

nervous greeting: i’d say this is what i normally do.  it’s not as strong and warm as the regular greeting, but still polite enough to let the other person know that you really didn’t have to say anything to them but chose to show that you acknowledge their presence and visual contact alone wasn’t enough to affirm that.  however, it can come off as though you’re just saying, “hi” because you caught the other person looking at you.  it usually looks like this:

you (looking at the person)

other person (catches you looking)

you (thinking): uhhhh… what do i do?

you (saying quickly): hey

other person (somewhat surprised, but on instinct): sup

end conversation

it kind of reminds me of that scene in superbad where fogle is staring at this girl’s butt and then she turns around and

catches him and he tells her the time.  ahahaha!  horrible movie…

quick look-away: i think the majority of people do this.  you catch eyes with someone and you look away like it was all just a coincidence.  the trick is how quickly you look away.  too quickly means you noticed them noticing you and you felt awkward and so you looked away.  too slowly and you’ll continue to meet their gaze.  you have to look away at just the right speed so it’s like, “yeah, so what?  so i was looking in your direction.  now i’m looking over there at that guy.  if you didn’t want to make eye contact, you should’ve have been looking over here while i was looking over there.”

stare-down: wow, mad respect for people who do this.  i only try this with little kids.  you know the ones who stare at you and don’t know how to talk to greet you or don’t know any better to look away.  that’s right.  i stare back until they get sick of looking at me or find something new to look at.  but i’ve never done this with an adult.  does anyone do this?  that’s mad intimidating.

what do you do when you’re met with the gaze of the awkward stranger eye contact?

Written by enoch

March 17, 2010 at 11:43 am

Posted in social observation

seasons change, mad things rearrange

with 4 comments

– i’m glad the seasons are changing.  i miss driving with my windows down, drinking ice cold drinks without freezing my fingers off, eating ice cream without shivering.

– as i get older, i realize how much things have changed.  what i used to value isn’t a priority anymore.  character traits i once lacked seemed to have popped up out of nowhere.  i am an adult.  and have seemed to become one overnight.  is this what i envisioned adulthood to be?  sometimes i feel as if my world has shifted and i have to relearn what it means to navigate the world again.

– i’ve been on a real underground hip-hop kick.  dj choice would be proud of me.  the title of today’s blog comes from an old hip-hop song.  who knows what it is?  another group also samples it in their chorus.

Written by enoch

March 10, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Posted in from my mind

are you my mother?

with 2 comments

i remember reading this book when i was a child.  it was one of the first books i ever read.  it was written by PD Eastman.  the story follows a young bird whose mother flew away to get food for its baby before the egg is hatched.  the child sees that it is mother-less and proceeds to ask different animals/objects if they are, in fact, its mother.  after a grueling day of asking this one question to all these things, the young bird goes back home to find its mother waiting.  the baby bird is then so overjoyed that it found its mother and instantly recognizes the mother as its mother.  good story right?  i mean, besides the frustration of watching this noob bird asking a jet plane if it is its mother.

i was watching one of the children from my church the other day.  i saw as he was running around while people were praying in a huddled group (yes, my eyes were open).  and despite having her eyes closed and people being all around her, the child was able to run up to his mother, in complete assurance that the woman was, in fact, his mother, and lean on her legs in refuge.

i was dumbfounded.  the kid couldn’t have possibly seen his mom’s face.  and in the bowed-down-praying position, even i have a hard time distinguishing one person from another.  and yet this kid ran up to his mom without having seen where she located herself in the huddle.  i thought, huh…  i guess kids spend most of their early years seeking after their parents so much so that their parents’ presence is so familiar to them that they can pick them out instantly in a crowd to seek refuge in their vicinity.

so i had to take it further.  isn’t that how we’re supposed to be as God’s kids?  seeking after Him so much and being so familiar with Him that we can discern God from all the other things that distract us from Him?  hmmm…

(to those who noticed the gender inclusive/exclusiveness, yes i know i switched it at the end.  don’t hate)

Written by enoch

March 1, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Posted in from my mind