Archive for March 2010
has it ever happened that you’re having a conversation with some, a great conversation, and somewhere mid-conversation your brain automatically turns on and you start to think? it is only then that your conversation head south in a hurry. this happens to me ALL THE TIME. i’m having a great conversation with someone and all of a sudden, i start thinking. what do i think about? well, i think about these things:
wow, this conversation is great, how can i keep it going?
how will i end this conversation?
should i ask a question here?
is the other person enjoying this conversation?
did i forget to do something today?
i wonder how i’m coming off?
how’s my body language?
eye contact? too much, or not enough?
and most importantly, HOW CAN I STOP THINKING AND JUST GET BACK TO THE CONVERSATION?
and it is usually around the thought of this question that i completely lose it. i go blank or maybe the other person is just allowed to talk forever and i’m stuck. my only hope is that Jesus will come back right that instant so that our conversation will end.
needless to say, this makes for many an awkward conversation. if i could just not think, things would be great. but for some reason, my brain thinks that it’s on the clock when i just need it to sleep in longer and it clocks in, ready to go to work.
anyone else have this problem?
i used to be a part of an organization in high school called key club, and during the conferences that i attended they had this saying:
to be early is to be on time
to be on time is to be late
to be late is unacceptable
for some reason, it’s a priority for me to be early. i get noticeably anxious when i’m supposed to be somewhere at a given time and i feel like i’m not going to make it. it could be a dinner, a meeting, anything. i just feel like i HAVE to be there on time and the world will end if i don’t. the world’s existence depends on me being on time to a surprise birthday dinner.
on the flip side, i have ALOT of friends who make it a point to be late. but not just late, ABSURDLY late. and not just once, but EVERY TIME. needless to say, this makes it very difficult for someone like me who tries to be on time all the time to get things done as scheduled.
when i’m late, i feel really bad. what i have noticed is that a lot of my white friends tend to be a lot better with time management than my asian-american friends. for some reason, “asian time” is acceptable. i’m going to go out on a limb and say that the reason for this is because asian-americans are over achievers. i know whenever i’m late, it’s usually because i THINK i can fit in another activity or errand before i have to be somewhere when i have gratuitously underestimated the amount of time it would take to complete said activity or errand. and of course, this is just me. from what i have observed, my friends who are constantly late just don’t have a concept of when they need to be somewhere and who it affects when they’re not there on time (sense some bitterness?).
are you on time?
– as i get older, i realize how much things have changed. what i used to value isn’t a priority anymore. character traits i once lacked seemed to have popped up out of nowhere. i am an adult. and have seemed to become one overnight. is this what i envisioned adulthood to be? sometimes i feel as if my world has shifted and i have to relearn what it means to navigate the world again.
– i’ve been on a real underground hip-hop kick. dj choice would be proud of me. the title of today’s blog comes from an old hip-hop song. who knows what it is? another group also samples it in their chorus.
i remember reading this book when i was a child. it was one of the first books i ever read. it was written by PD Eastman. the story follows a young bird whose mother flew away to get food for its baby before the egg is hatched. the child sees that it is mother-less and proceeds to ask different animals/objects if they are, in fact, its mother. after a grueling day of asking this one question to all these things, the young bird goes back home to find its mother waiting. the baby bird is then so overjoyed that it found its mother and instantly recognizes the mother as its mother. good story right? i mean, besides the frustration of watching this noob bird asking a jet plane if it is its mother.
i was watching one of the children from my church the other day. i saw as he was running around while people were praying in a huddled group (yes, my eyes were open). and despite having her eyes closed and people being all around her, the child was able to run up to his mother, in complete assurance that the woman was, in fact, his mother, and lean on her legs in refuge.
i was dumbfounded. the kid couldn’t have possibly seen his mom’s face. and in the bowed-down-praying position, even i have a hard time distinguishing one person from another. and yet this kid ran up to his mom without having seen where she located herself in the huddle. i thought, huh… i guess kids spend most of their early years seeking after their parents so much so that their parents’ presence is so familiar to them that they can pick them out instantly in a crowd to seek refuge in their vicinity.
so i had to take it further. isn’t that how we’re supposed to be as God’s kids? seeking after Him so much and being so familiar with Him that we can discern God from all the other things that distract us from Him? hmmm…
(to those who noticed the gender inclusive/exclusiveness, yes i know i switched it at the end. don’t hate)