chang|e one's mind

i wrote a song… in my mind

wrestling with grace pt. 4 of many

with 2 comments

it’s been a while since i wrote about grace, a topic i know all too well and yet know nothing about.  you can check out my past series on wrestling with grace here: pt. 1, pt. 2, and pt. 3.

i’m very interested in the topic of grace because it’s what my faith in Jesus is based upon.  without an understanding of grace, it’s difficult to have an understanding of Jesus.  now i’m not saying you have to be an expert on grace in order to be a follower of Jesus, but if you don’t have an basic understanding of grace, you don’t get the fullness of what faith in Jesus is all about.

for instance, if you don’t know that we are saved by grace through faith in Jesus, you’ll constantly be working for salvation not knowing that Jesus died for us through no merit of our own.  if you take grace for granted, you’ll never understand the consequences of sin while you live your life of debauchery thinking you can do anything and everything you want because grace covers all.  get it?

anyways, here’s my recent struggle with grace that has actually been going on my whole life:

i think my family relationship has somewhat hindered my understanding of grace.  i’ve always done everything i can to get my parents’ approval.  the thing is, i will never earn their approval.  because they love me no matter what right?  no.  because they don’t give approval.  i know they love me no matter what, but i’m seeking the affirmation of their love that i may never receive in a way that i will fully understand.  i’m fighting a losing battle.  i’m not blaming them for my misunderstanding of grace, it is i who have distorted the notion of grace.  i’ve carried my relationship with my parents over to my relationship with God.  will God give me approval?  my parents haven’t.  therefore, i must work harder to earn God’s approval.  where’s the grace in that?  nowhere.  that’s where.

grace from God is such a foreign concept for me:

you mean, no matter how bad i screw up, God’s still going to love me?

that’s right.

wow, that does not make any sense.

yeah, it’s great isn’t it?

there’s nothing on earth like grace.  when i screw up as a son to my parents, they let me know about it and i feel horrible.  when i do good things as a son, i’m somehow reminded of all the times i’ve screwed up as a son and realize i’m never going to do enough good things to outweigh those times i’ve screwed up.  grace however, means feeling that i don’t have to dig myself out of the pit of bad things i’ve done and trying to fill the pit with good things.  grace means i’m out of the pit and it’s already been filled and i will never have to be underground again.  wow, such a foreign concept.

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Written by enoch

January 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. amen 🙂

    heej

    January 23, 2011 at 1:03 am

  2. grace is so so so so so so amazing 🙂

    HG

    January 24, 2011 at 6:46 pm


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