exit strategy

normal conversation is just not my thing.  phones are my enemies.  it’s very hard for me to carry on a conversation hence my position in a conversation as the comedic interjector/quiet observer.  for me, one of the most challenging things in this mystery called conversation, is how to end it.  i’ve seen other people do it, i’ve had people end conversations on me, but myself, i just can’t end it.  it’s not that i want to continue talking or listening or interjecting or whatever, it’s just i think i don’t have the heart to tell someone that our conversation needs to end.

for example, whenever i talk with my parents, (or i should say, listen with my parents) they tend to lecture me a lot.  and i’m not a glutton for punishment or anything, but i can’t get myself to say, “hey mom/dad, i have to go” no matter how much i just do not want to listen anymore.  so i end up sitting there for an hour without saying a word listening to my parents talk.  i want to leave the conversation so badly, but i don’t have an excuse to leave.  same with my friends, i’ll start talking to a friend either in person or on the phone, and when the conversation should be over, i end up either standing there, or holding the phone to my ear waiting for something to happen next.

i know this seems funny, and partly it is, but what can i do about it?  am i really just too nice for my own good?  can i really not lie and say “i have to go” and end a conversation when i don’t really have to go anywhere?  maybe that’s the core of it.  maybe it’s the fact that i hate lying.  i wouldn’t dare lie to someone and say i have to go do something to get out of a conversation no matter how much i didn’t want to be there knowing that i don’t have to go do something else.  maybe i can come up with some exit strategies to getting out of a conversation:

the fake phone call – i could set my phone alarm either before entering a conversation or during a conversation making it look like i’m just playing with my phone so that it would ring a couple minutes into the conversation and that way i could be like, “excuse me, i have to take this.”

the pawn off – this one takes some skill, and i’m definitely not good at it.  when another friend joins you and another friend in conversation, you introduce them if they don’t know each other and if they do then you just let them talk while you make a break for it.

the bathroom run – pretty easy, you just say, “hey i gotta run to the bathroom” cause they don’t know you don’t have to go.  and when you get back, they’re (hopefully) not waiting for you to return to your conversation.

the spill – if you have a drink, you can just drop it creating a diversion.  make sure you express your mourning for your lost beverage.  that way, you can either go ask a worker that you have a spill (if in a restaurant/retail setting) or you can excuse yourself to clean it.

the walk-away – this one sucks for the person receiving it.  i know cause it’s happened to me a bunch of times.  this is where the person who says the conversation is over, walks away and finds someone else to talk with while the person left is sitting there thinking, “what just happened?  did he/she just leave me?”  and if people are watching, the embarassment is multiplied.

so all this is to facetiously show ways in which you can exit a conversation without having to lie.  one of my readers who i’m sure will comment used to and sometimes still says, “well, i have nothing else to talk about.  see ya.”  which works fine as well.  straight and to the point.